Popcorn Muscles

Jesus Christ Advises Kurt Warner to Hold Out for More Money

In Arizona Cardinals, Kurt Warner, NFL on March 1, 2009 at 20:42

As he often does with many of his major life decisions, 52-year-old Arizona Cardinals’ Quarterback Kurt Warner has turned to NFL superfan Jesus Christ to guide him through free agency.

Jesus, who died for all man’s sins in his last negotiation, called the Cardinals’ one year-$12 million deal “insulting” and told the team that Warner would only consider “serious offers.”

Though the Cardinals declined to comment on the situation, sources close to the team say management believes a deal will be reached shortly.

At a press conference last week, Jesus told reporters that both sides want Warner starting for the Cardinals in 2009, explaining that letting him go simply to save a few million dollars would be a Dennis Green sized mistake for the organization.

The son of God noted that The Ten Commandments say “thou shall not murder,” and letting Matt Leinart become the Cardinals’ starting Quarterback would kill this franchise.


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