After being mathematically eliminated from the playoffs in late September with the Cincinnati Bengals last season, TJ Houshmandzadeh has chosen to continue his commitment to losing by signing with the Seattle Seahawks.
Known for his sure hands and striking resemblance to Secretariat, the eight-year veteran has already made plans to watch the playoffs from the comfort of his own home and begin working on his tell-all book titled “F*ck Chad Johnson,” while catching Oklahoma City Thunder games and touring the towns’ recently bankrupt Starbucks franchises.
Though the Seahawks are the perfect organization for the aging veteran (everyone knows wide receivers get better once they turn 32 years old), the deal was moments away from falling through.
Houshmandzadeh nearly signed with the Philadelphia Eagles last week after being impressed by their willingness to let three starters go in free agency, but later questioned the franchise’s commitment to failure after keeping Pro Bowl Quarterback Donovan McNabb for the upcoming season.
While some suggest Seattle’s complete lack of a running game and the idea of playing for a 33-year-old injury-prone quarterback intrigued Houshmandzadeh, experts say it was the city’s overall “sprit of defeat” that captured the 31-year-old’s heart.
Houshmandzadeh and 58 of the league’s least talented players begin killing their fan base one devastating loss at a time this Septmeber, further cementing the pony-tailed receiver’s place in football’s Hall of Irrelevance.