Popcorn Muscles

T.O. searches for new team to ruin

In Athletes who can't read, Awful human beings, NFL, People more important than Jesus, People probably on steroids, Shitty Owners, Suspected porn enthusiasts on March 5, 2009 at 17:32

OwensJones

Cowboys owner Skeletor — whoops, we mean Jerry Jones — decided to cut wide received Terrell Owens last night after “routine” player evaluations with his staff. The move was expected after tension in the team’s locker room and a strained relationship between Owens and several players including quarterback Tony Romo and tight end Jason Witten. A source we made up with knowledge of the situation told PopcornMuscles.com, “The routine evaluation everyone is talking about was actually a sit-up contest between T.O. and Mr. Jones in T.O.’s driveway. The Jerry won, so T.O.’s out. That old bastard is tough.”

With the subtraction of Owens, America’s Team now turns to Roy Williams as their No. 1 receiver — a situation which turned out really well for the Detroit Lions the last few seasons. The Cowboys are also now expected to make inquiries into the availability of Cardinals wide receiver Anquan Boldin, though expect them to land former Indianapolis Colts Pro Bowler Marvin Harrison since Jones is concerned with the lack of accused attempted murders on his team.

“I think we’re going to be great again,” said defensive lineman Tank Johnson (sort of). “Well, until we get to the playoffs. But at least we still have Tony Romo … crap.” 

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