After choking his nurse and throwing a chair at an orderly over his Jell-O order, Bob Knight hopped on the phone this morning with SportsCenter to talk some college basketball. Among his various ramblings and “insights,” the legendary coach suggested expanding the field of 64 teams in the NCAA Tournament to a robust 128. To her credit, anchor Hannah Storm responded with, “Wow, talk about March Madness!” (Yup, thanks Hannah. Good luck with that transfer to First Take.)
Knight made his suggestion after being asked if he believed the criticism by whiny Utah fans that every school on every level should always be included in any tournament the NCAA conducts. When fictionally reached for comment at the NCAA headquarters in Latveria, commissioner Dr. Victor Von Doom said, “Hahahaha! Yes! Yes! YES!” Doom subsequently denied the eligibility of 10 freshmen.
Following his interview, false sources have confirmed to Popcorn Muscles that Knight packed his five favorite sweaters and escaped his retirement home in a yellow truck with painted red flames and “Pussy Wagon” emblazoned on the tailgate. Officials urge anyone with information to contact them immediately.