Popcorn Muscles

San Diego becomes pass first team by re-signing aging RB LaDainian Tomlinson

In Athletes who can't read, Embarrassments to humanity, San Diego Chargers, Selfish pricks on March 11, 2009 at 22:44


The San Diego Chargers announced today that they and star running back (well, “star” in a loose sense of the word) LaDainian Tomlinson have agreed to a restructured contract that will allow the team to save money against the cap this year and cut his ass before the 2010 training camp with almost no repercussions. “Oh, I’m so excited about staying here,” said Tomlinson in an interview we made up. “I have only a few years left of living off my old accomplishments and missing crucial playoff games. It was important for me and my family to stay here and prevent the Chargers from ever getting to a Super Bowl.”

San Diego (which, of course, in German means whale’s vagina) had contemplated cutting the former All-Pro in an attempt to show the Tampa Bay Buccaneers they aren’t the only ones who can cast aside beloved veterans. “Well, we had a change of heart,” Chargers GM A.J. Smith said to Popcorn Muscles in another fake statement. “Besides I have him in my keeper fantasy league so it makes everything a lot easier.”

  1. […] San Diego becomes pass first team by re-signing aging RB LaDainian … […]

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