Written By Brad Wolf
With blantant disregard for his team’s chances (and less importantly, his life), NASCAR pit crew member Jimmy Watts broke the sport’s cardinal rule during the 67th lap of Sundays Sprint Cup.
Like a clumsy fat kid chasing a runaway gumball, Watts awkwardly ran after a loose tire heading straight towards oncoming traffic just minutes after the first 268 left turns were made. As every American with a hunting license and Confederate tattoo knows, the NASCAR rule book clearly states that pit crew members are not to go on the track for ANY REASON WHATSOEVER while cars are racing. In his defense though, we must admit that language is very vague. What specifically does ANY REASON WHATSOEVER entail? Your guess is as good as ours.
In an interview with popcorn mucles that may or may not have actually taken place we asked Watts to explain his blantant disregard of the written rules. Watts responded by saying, “I work for a NASCAR pit crew, I can’t read all dem fancy books.”
In response to this groundbreaking idiocy, NASCAR announced their plans to release the latest edition of the rulebook on audio tape narrated by Larry the Cable Guy with special guest Jeff Foxworthy entitled “Rules … git em done!”