Popcorn Muscles

Stuart Scott challenges Amar’e Stoudemire to staring contest

In Athletes who can't read, Awful human beings, Embarrassments to humanity, Evil Empire, International incidents, NBA, People more important than Jesus, phoenix suns, Selfish pricks, Suspected porn enthusiasts on March 12, 2009 at 19:16

stuart scott

SUNDAY! SUNDAY! SUNDAY! ESPN’s Stuart Scott will enter the ring against Phoenix Suns forward Amar’e Stoudemire for their long-awaited, highly anticipated stare down (dubbed by promoter Don King as “The Peek-a-Boo Zoo.” “Amar’e’s been avoiding me all these years and taunting me with his two good eyes,” said Scott, who’s also known as the hardest working lazy eye in show business, at a fictional pre-staring contest press conference. “That smug bastard knows this one is personal. Booyah!”

After detaching his retina in a game against the LA Clippers and absolutely destroying any hopes for the Suns to make the playoffs, Stoudemire decided to finally retaliate after years of jabs from Scott. “It was time to do something,” Stoudemire said when we pretended to reach him for comment. “But in reality, I didn’t even know he was talking to me when he first brought the contest up. I can never tell when he’s talking to me, actually. It’s almost impossible to get that guy to look you in the eye.”

Scheduled to take place at the Bristol metro area Lenscrafters, promoters are hoping for a large online viewership via Espn360.com.

  1. It was just announced that the under card is the blind guy from this season of American Idol vs. T-Boz of 90s pop mega-trio TLC. Lisa “Left-Eye” Lopez was unavailable.

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