Popcorn Muscles

Finally the Dane Looker era begins! Rams cut Torry Holt

In Embarrassments to humanity, People you'll never hear about in seven months, Shitty Owners on March 14, 2009 at 01:09

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In an effort to help fans forget about those annoying Super Bowl years, the St. Louis Rams have cut Pro Bowl Wide Receiver Torry Holt and promoted Dane Looker (who won a Gold Star for “spirit” at the Middlebrook Junior High Football camp 19 years ago) to the top receiver spot.

Looker, who recently timed his forty yard dash with an hour glass, is only eight years removed from his best season and remains well rested after sitting out the entire 2007 campaign with an undisclosed injury his mother called very serious. “When you have a short white guy who went un-drafted almost a decade ago on your roster you have to give him the chance to do something special,” says Rams’ Head Coach Steve Spagnuolo in a fake, but enjoyable interview. “Dane Looker represents where this franchise is going and I couldn’t be happier.”

Spagnuolo adds that playing guys like Holt with blazing speed and great hands may win games, but starting a receiver that the average fan could beat in a foot race is a sure fire way to get even more top five draft picks.

 

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