Just like a fat kid desperately looking for a prom date, The University of Arizona basketball program has continued its parade of rejection after George “Moppy” Johnson turned down their head coaching job earlier this week.
According to a report by Larry King on JanitorNews.com, contract negotiations broke down after the school refused to provide Johnson with a new dustpan for road games and merchandising rights on all slop buckets bearing his image.
“We’re extremely disappointed to have Johnson turns us down,” said a spokesman for the University of Arizona in a fictitious statement. “I wasn’t upset when Tim Floyd, Sean Miller, Seth Rogen, Mike Martz, Chloris Leachman, The Honeycomb Bear, John Wooden and Donald Rumsfeld rejected us, but this one really hurts. I guess we’re going to have to figure out a way to make a program with a National Championship, four Final Four appearances, dozens of NBA players and a Sweet 16 birth this year attractive to prospective coaches.”