Popcorn Muscles

Search For John Daly’s Dignity Called Off By National Guard

In Awful human beings, dangers to society, Embarrassments to humanity, Illiterate rednecks, People probably on steroids, picking on fat kids, Really? He's still alive, Suspected porn enthusiasts on April 7, 2009 at 17:58



At a press conference held outside Rooster Red’s Cock Fighting Bar and All-You-Can-Eat Breakfast Buffet in Atlanta, a spokesman for the National Guard told a group of semi-interested reporters that the 17 year search for John Daly’s dignity has finally ended.

“We really tried our best to find it,” said Russell Stein, who has also led searches for the Loch Ness Monster, Nicole Simpsons’ real killer and NHL television ratings. “We got really close at a Taiwanese strip club in 1997, but nobody has seen John Daly’s dignity in over a decade, so we figured it was lost forever.”

Stein added that Daly’s self-respect and short game remain missing, but are no longer top priorities for his organization.


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